Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
