hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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