Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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