She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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