the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
