cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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