I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Randomize
