I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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