I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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