oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm too high and old for this...
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
