Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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