I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
