Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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