you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
