I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
