Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize