how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
