Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
