You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
