I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
