I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
