i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
His nipple licking is glorious
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
