My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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