i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
