im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
