I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
