There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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