Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize