There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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