Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
