I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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