I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Randomize