My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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