I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
