he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
