we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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