The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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