How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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