Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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