Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
