Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
