can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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