suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
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