Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
