totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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