Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
