I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
