No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
