So drunk its hurt
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
