I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
