I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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