I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
