last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
