In the future we'll all be gay
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
