the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
