When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
i now understand why vodka
Randomize
