My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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