I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I wish I only lived at night.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
