two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
