We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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