Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
