there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
