Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
