Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
