We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Randomize
