she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
