we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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