Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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