in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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